Subtle Sexism: Getting over loved ones

A few days ago I lost my dog. Scooby was my everything, he was my life, he was me and the pain is physical. My heart is actually hurting, literally. Each breath comes as a surprise..I am surprised that I am still breathing, still functioning.

No one around me understood my connection with him when he was with me. I had fought with literally everyone around me in order to give him the best possible life. So, now I did not really expect anyone to really “get” me. I know for many he was “just a dog”, and would never understand me now. But what was shocking to me was the blatant sexism that was literally hurled on my face just hours and days after his going.

It had not even been 48 hours, and people asked me “Are you normal now?”, “Oh good your inlaws are coming, you will be busy cooking for them.”, “Don’t take too much trouble in cooking, just something simple would do.” and the worst “Good in a way, now you will have time to care for your family life”

The funny thing is…the husband who had met, known and loved scooby for less than 10 months got much more sympathy!  I am in no way undermining their bond…which was so pure and beautiful…I just thought that you know…people would at the very least not be so insensitive towards me. Even silence would have been better than…into the kitchen darlin..aint no body got shit to spare…chop chop!

Humans, I tell you….one thing is crystal clear…as long as a girl is in the kitchen or cleaning things…she is ok…she cannot even have a moment of genuine sympathy to mourn the loss of her very existence. A married girl truly has no real family.

 

 

Subtle Sexism: What’s For Dinner?

Did you know? Married Indian women are the most intelligent species…in the kitchen…more specifically, home kitchen. At least that is what the commercials would have you believe. Take any advertisement of the food that needs to be cooked at home…chances are you will have the all knowing female giving gyaan to the dumbo husband/family members, who cannot survive without this goddess. Mind you these family members are dumb only on the home turf. Any advertisement of cooking show or that calls for a professional chef.. you could see a manly man showcasing his love for cooking.

In one such advertisement, we see a working woman who cannot work in the office as she randomly imagines her kids and husband who keep asking her, “Aaj kya banega?” In the next scene we see her coming home, where the husband is at home, chilling with the kids…and as soon as she enters all three ask her “aaj kya banega?” Coz you know if you are a man, you can chill post coming from the office…your wife will come and cook for you.  I do not recall the brand or the product name, if you do please leave a comment below, so I can post the ad link.

Another such ad is when the family asks the same “Khane me kya hai” question. When the answer is Lauki, they disappear as the food is not as per their tastes. You see, they don’t like it! It is only when their mom assures them that the food would taste good, that these people sit down to eat. So the lady not only has to cook for everyone, others have an option to reject her hard work if they do not find it worthy of their tastes! What gets me is that this behavior is deemed completely normal. Check out the snippet of the ad here.

In another advertisement, we see a lady who yells what do people want to eat for breakfast. The entitled family members yell out their preferences like they are ordering room service at a hotel. The lady then, quite literally becomes a goddess with many hands, picks up MTR’S ready to cook breakfast mixes and makes all the orders. The family members just come to the dinning table to eat! Check out this ad here. If it were me, this is an accurate example of my answer:

In the next ad, we see a popular actress lamenting how much “tension” one has (one meaning the female, of course), when one receives guests at home. But now that she has McCain, she can manage without a doubt. As usual, her family only makes an appearance on the dinner table. Click here for ads. Or in this advertisement, where the father laments that his son is always on computer and does not spend time with his family. Again the female comes up with the brilliant idea of using delicious food to lure him to spend time with the family.

Even men, who do not have the facility of having the unpaid maid aka wife, depend on the paid ones. Because you know…how on earth can these ikle little beings manage to cook on their own! As we see in the Faasos ad here, the man is tired of having the same thing every day, so he can do the next best thing, order out! While ordering out is an excellent option, for every body, we rarely see an ad where a tired woman comes home and just orders the food…every single day…especially if she is married…and lives with the in laws..Well..of course we do not see an ad like that…as in real life that would be an impossible possibility without hearing the daily dose of “lazy”, “spoilt”, yada yada nonsense yelled at her.

I do not know guys, but if I had such entitled family, I would pack my bags and be off faster than they can complete that dreaded “khane me kya hai?’ statement. Why do we not we see men in the kitchen? One look at any cookery show would tell you that men are interested in cooking. Well some of them are…just like some women are. Believe it or not….not all females think it is their only dream in life to cook for their family. Some women do not like cooking. But then, like it or not. As an adult human being, you should be in the kitchen. Food is the basic necessity, and if some fully functioning adult has to depend upon others to fulfill even that, I REALLY do not understand how can they even call themselves adults?

I kid you not I have seen 25 years plus guys proudly telling that all they can make in the kitchen is maggi, and are now looking to get married as they are tired of eating bahar ka khana. It took up all my energy, to not get up and leave. Even some of my female colleagues complain that after a long day in the office, they have to go home and go straight in the kitchen, while hubby dearest chills in front of the TV. Some even have the added issue, that if the husband even tries to come in the kitchen, the mother in law scolds them saying it is not his “job”. Some females cannot travel (even to visit their own parents) for more days, because their little man-baby of a husband would have to scrounge for food from outside! And those aunties who ask “How will your husband manage for so many days?” They really truly believe that an adult man cannot survive without his wife for a month..Why such thinking? How come is it ok for a twenty year old to be so dependent on others that he cannot manage to eat without assistance from others?

Even when I was engaged, I have heard people saying, ‘Thank God now the husband will get home cooked food every day, poor guy, has stayed out of home for years.’..I mean WTF??? The first time I heard it I was blank..literally could not do anything but stare…really in this day and age..where people believe we have ‘equality’, some people thought it was ok to tell me that marriage = free homemade food maker for husband.

Why this thinking? Why is it mandatory for girls to know how to cook, and for guys to be in the kitchen only if he is interested? Why is it that males are portrayed dumb when it comes to managing the home? Why do men not find it strange that they are portrayed such! Not all men are absolute idiots when it comes to home or kitchen! I know guys who are not professional chefs, but cook some excellent dishes, some who love to cook so much that they insist on cooking everyday as they think it is a stress buster, why such men are never shown in mainstream media?

CHARACTER ANALYSIS: ROBIN ELLACOTT FROM CORMORAN STRIKE SERIES: PART TWO

In this post, we will further analyse the character of Robin Ellacott. In order to read the previous post, click here

The other memories intruded and a diferent Robin peeled away from a safe and ordered past: and there in front of him stood a woman who would not have been out of place in the SIB.

 

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This is the beauty of reading any JK Rowling’s work. She gives such complexities to all her characters.

 

Usually, if a character has a safe and happy environment around them, they tend to be very quaint, but even though Robin has an ideal upbringing, all safe and cozy, she loves to rough it.

This shows that the characters in this book are much more than just characters, they are humans..which makes reading this book even more engrossing.

Next month, the very next month, she would become Robin Cunliffe-at least, she supposed she would. Mathew certainly expected her to take his name.

Why should a girl change her entire identity just because she gets married is beyond me.

Back at school, during our Advertising and Marketing sessions, we were taught that your name is your brand. You spend all these years creating a brand for yourself only to completly change it!

Some people even go so far as to change their first as well as last names! Some of my female acquaintances have had to do so…I have lost count of the times I see a strange female’s name popping up on my facebook feed, and when I go to check who is this person, turns out they are someone I know, just name change.

People defend this change of name in various ways. “It shows you care for your husband.” Well..if changing your identity shows your love, 99% of men do not love their wives as I sure do not see them changing their names… “It brings unity and commitment to your marriage.”., again, if it does how come the man is not supposed to do anything to bring “unity” and commitment?

Wha irks me the most is how people just assume that a woman would change her name. Even when I give my name, some people insist on calling me Mrs. Husband…LIKE HELLO…it is insulting..it feels that the other person is not respecting me..my identity.

‘Why doesn’t he just ask her?’

‘He has. She says she is not seeing anyone, but women are devious, cheating scum Robin, you know that.’

Stereotypes on women are galore. Women by nature are considered to be flimsy, confused, soft creatures, who should never be relied upon in any situations. Even Chanakya who otherwise was an excellent mind said: “Courtesy should be learned from princes, the art of conversation from Pandit, lying should be learned from gamblers and deceitful ways should be learned from women.”

Fortunately now, these stereotypes are diminishing.

Robin truly is an inspirational character. We need such characters!

 

 

 

Character Analysis: Robin Ellacott from Cormoran Strike series: PART ONE

I recently finished reading the third book of Robert Galbraith aka J. K. Rowling’s Cormoran Strike novel. What impressed me the most was the way the characters, especially that of Robin Ellacott, has developed.

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When we first came across Robin’s character, she is newly engaged and looking for a job. By the end of the third book, she has shouldered equal responsibilities in Strike’s detective business.

Of the three books, in “Career of Evil”, (Click here for book review) her character truly flourishes. Let us go through some of the most iconic lines from this book that showcase the wonderful character development.

At the age of eight, she had informed her brothers that she was going to catch robbers and had been roundly mocked, for no better reason than that she ought to be laughed at, given that she was a girl and their sister.

Little girls are always expected to be playing with dolls and house…or pretending to be a teacher. A girl expressing more “manly” interest in professions that are traditionally manly are never taken seriously. Even till this date, if one wants to buy a gift for a 6-year-old girl, you will find yourself in the same-shade-of-barbie-pink dolls, clothes or games with fashion or cooking involved… You do not come across a science or a detective set in the “girls” section.

Till the time this happens, how on Earth to we expect to gain equality?

Out of exhaustion and a feeling of obligation to the family that had been so protective and loving in her time of greatest need she had left a lifelong ambition fall by the wayside, and everyone else had been satisfied to see it go.

How many times has it happened that a female has to let go of her dreams/ aspirations/ career for her family? Studies over? Get married…Getting married? Leave job…Had a baby? Leave job…Husband gets transferred? Leave job…The family does not like a working daughter in law? Leave job…There are so many hurdles…

The society has set an expectation from females…that her career or her dreams and aspirations always come secondary to the family’s wishes…

Strike: “She is my partner. We work the same jobs.”

This shows that Cormoran sees Robin truly as his equal. He stands up to her when others refuse to acknowledge her as his partner.Way to go Cormoran!

Her infidelity would be worse than his by his defination.

This is so true for most of the cases. When a man cheats, he makes a mistake…but the same man can hardly forgive the woman for her infidelity. In most cultures, a man’s infidelity is seen lightly and is brushed aside with a shrug and “men will be men”.But a woman who cheats have always faced the worst scorn from the society, in extreme cases even death (See: Stoning of Soraya M.).

Robin: Decide whether I’m your partner or a – a liability. If you can’t rely on me – if you can’t let me run the same risks you do – then I’d rather….rather get out”She finished.

Many times women are seen as a “liability”..by her family or by her seniors or colleagues. There is nothing worse than this line of thought. The whole “Paraya Dhan” nonsense or viewing females as weak or assuming that we will not be able to undertake certain tasks, without bothering to ask us if we can or cannot do it, is IRRITATING. Just like men, different women have different strengths, and it’s downright stupid to label us all as “the weak gender”.

Can’t you understand that I’d much rather help catch him than sit around waiting for him to pounce?

I loved this line by Robin. This shows that she is indeed a strong character. She does not want to sit around, being protected, but wants to go out and do something about it!

These were some of my observation…still there are a few more points that I will be posting later..have you read this book? What are your thoughts?

Click here for part 2

 

 

30 Day Book Challenge: Day 16: Favourite Female Character

The first female character that comes to my mind when I hear this is Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games Series.

Undoubtedly many other names also came up on second thoughts, but what makes Ms. Everdeen stand out in my mind is that unlike many other books where even if there is a strong female character, there is always an equally strong, or stronger male character in the story line.

Katniss is, without a doubt, a wonderful character on so many levels. Just like the entire series, the pleasure of reading the series was exemplified manifolds because of the fantastic gender roles in the book, I wrote a post about Hunger Games and Gender Stereotypes, you can check it out here.

You can check out my book reviews for the series by clicking on the name of the book:

Hunger Games

Catching Fire

Mockingjay

 

 

Review: The Quest For Integrity

Author: Jaswinder Singh

Book Blurb:

A noble, accomplished man named Purshottam Gill is chosen to replace the latest in a line of negligent managers at the Amlawar branch of India’s nationalized bank. As he attempts to improve the branch’s performance and raise employee morale, he becomes hindered by corrupt trade union officials, politicians, and even some of the bank’s senior officers. He soon discovers that top union leaders control not just the bank, but the politics of his country, causing its citizens to live under fear and great hardships.

Having come from a life of poverty and disease, Neki Lal, the union leader for Purshottam’s bank, values money and success above all else. Viewing Purshottam’s integrity as a threat, Neki begins a deceptive and corrupt campaign to try and intimidate Purshottam and remove him from his position at the bank. And Purshottam’s loyal employees have no choice but to follow the union directive.

As Neki Lal and his supporters begin to take over the branch, deception and manipulation reign supreme in a battle of good and evil that will forever change the lives of everyone involved.

A riveting tale of power and corruption, The Quest for Integrity is a thought-provoking and inspiring story that illustrates the importance of dignity, morality, and social responsibility.

My Review:

What happens when integrity meets politics? In this day and age of corruption, how important is it to remain ethical?

The Quest for Integrity highlights a need for a social change, as well as the attitudes that we have towards our work in general, especially in Government Sectors, or the industries whose employees are heavily influenced by Trade Unions.

Initially, the trade unions were formed to protect the interests of the employees. But then, they have become almost mafia-esque, who believe in letting people be paid, even if they do not perform on the job.

The best part of this book, was when the new manager, Purshottam Gill, is called to his welcoming party. Two people from the trade union come in and try to threaten him to do as they say. The way Purshottam Gill handles them was a delight. I almost found myself clapping hands at his responses.

The story writing is crisp and the language used is quite simple, yet effective.

Although fiction, I believe this book is for slightly serious reader. Those who love the generic love stories or light books, might not like this book. Whereas those who have any kind of contact with the banking sector, would really enjoy reading it.

Review: Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

“At the temple there is a poem called “Loss” carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it.”

The writing of this book is such that while reading you get transported to a whole new world, and then each time real life calls, you need to take a few moments to set the mind to reality.

The story was quite enchanting, although I was a bit disappointed​ at the ending. I guess I had expected a bit more.

But, the whole setting, getting to know about the life of a Geisha, right down to their makeup and Kimono were extremely interesting. The customs, the tea parties and the day to day lives of Geisha were so unlike what it is usually portrayed.

The book was entertaining as well as I got to know more about the Japanese culture and I guess now I will start researching on some Japanese authors. Any suggestions?

Overall this book is entertaining, but should be taken as the historical fiction. I give this book 4 stars.

Buy Memoirs of a Geisha

The movie adaption of this book is beautiful. The cinematography is outstanding, truly a must watch. Here is the movie trailer:

Books Mentioned in the Freedom Writers Diary

I just LOVE books that recommend more books!

I mean come on…its a win win situation…you are reading an amazing book..and that book manages to add more books to your tbr!

So, while reading The Freedom Writers Diary (Review posted here)

Here are a few books mentioned in the book:

• The Diary of Anne Frank

• The Colour Purple by Alice Walker

• Zlata’s Diary

Review: The Freedom WRITERS Diary by Erin Gruwell and Freedom Writers

“Evil prevails when good people do nothing.”

​​

Can one person change the world?

Maybe not…

But one person can surely change the world for another person. And the best people to do that are the teachers.

Erin Gruwell was one teacher who helped change the entire course of her student’s lives.

Education can be quite a powerful tool. It is only through education, that can truly equalize people. With education, one can overcome the barriers that have been placed and can come out of stereotypes.

Although, it is not necessary that those who are educated would be bound to have an open mind, but the probability of that happening is quite high.

Erin Gruwell teaches through empathy. She creates a sense of oneness with the characters of various books. She includes the books where her students are able to relate to the characters. She includes the students instead of just droning on and on about what she thinks the book is about. That I believe would be an excellent way to teach, who amongst us has not slept with open eyes in trully dull lectures?

The best part of the book for me was when Meip Gies from “The Diary of Anne Frank” comes to talk to the students. She is such an inspiration and a real life hero! I welled up just reading about it all.

I just loved how the student’s personal stories came out and integrated seamlessly with the novels.

Of all the books mentioned in this book, I have only read “The Diary of Anne Frank”, and now thanks to this book, the list of book that I absolutely need to read has grown. I NEED to read the stories the students were so passionate about. I NEED TO KNOW.

And you know you have just read a great book, when you feel like you need to read more.

Pick it up when you need some hope in your life.

Buy The Freedom Writers Diary: How a Teacher and 150 Teens Used Writing to Change Themselves and the World Around Them

See the movie trailer:

Scion of Ikshvaku (Ram Chandra Series, #1): Book Review

Author: Amish

Book Blurb:

Ram Rajya. The Perfect Land. But perfection has a price. He paid that price.

3400 BCE. INDIA
Ayodhya is weakened by divisions. A terrible war has taken its toll. The damage runs deep. The demon King of Lanka, Raavan, does not impose his rule on the defeated. He, instead, imposes his trade. Money is sucked out of the empire. The Sapt Sindhu people descend into poverty, despondency and corruption. They cry for a leader to lead them out of the morass. Little do they appreciate that the leader is among them. One whom they know. A tortured and ostracised prince. A prince they tried to break. A prince called Ram.

He loves his country, even when his countrymen torment him. He stands alone for the law. His band of brothers, his Sita, and he, against the darkness of chaos.

Will Ram rise above the taint that others heap on him? Will his love for Sita sustain him through his struggle? Will he defeat the demon Lord Raavan who destroyed his childhood? Will he fulfil the destiny of the Vishnu?

Begin an epic journey with Amish’s latest: the Ram Chandra Series.

My Review:

I love the way Amish writes.

When I started reading this book, I was quite skeptical, since I personally do not tend to like any work that is based on this epic as I tend to have some major issues with the characterizations and story line. Which I have stated in previous posts like “Where Rama and Sita Really an Ideal Couple?“.

But Amish managed to twist the original story line in a way that most, not all, but most, of the issues that I have with the original story line were addressed in a rational way.

I like the way Amish has written the female characters. Sita’s characterization is the best in this book. She is feisty, warrior, smart woman who has her own belief system and can stand on her own two feet. LOVED IT. Such a refreshing view. I guess that was the major reason I will be most definately waiting for the next instalment of this story.

Although, if we look at the time line, the Ram Changra Series occur before the Shiva series (Click here for book Review), I would suggest you to read the Shiva series before the Ram Chandra ones.